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Wikiality.com is slowly trying to get back in the groove of writing truthy news. Please excuse the quality and quantity during this period. Enjoy Write A Caption and our Daily Poll in the interim. See Also: :Daily Poll Write A Caption Bear Watchers Abomination Watch Breaking News Archive Latest In Truthy News Greatest Party Ever thrown before the collapse of civilization America Jesus brought sushi and beer… Armageddon, USA. January 9, 2009 - While the GOP continues to fight the good fight against the liberal bear-loving hippies with their new terrorist mooslim leader, the last days of The Greatest Presidency Ever are coming to a close. Many of us hope that the Supreme Court can still fix this mess, but we are suspecting that many of the Judges (The Real American ones) have been secretly blackmailed by the liberal media… so many young GOPers decided to throw The Last Greatest Party Ever before the end of Western American Civilization. ‘The Young Republican Club’ decided to host their last annual meeting before the end of times; so they decided to throw The Wildest Party Ever before Jesus raptures them. -“It may be the end, but at least we will go with a bag… which reminds me if I put the safety on this gun…” replied a young GOPer. -“I think I am getting drunk,” replied a young lady, “but who cares, at least I will get laid before I died…” -“What about my portfolio? Please, someone think of the dividends!” shouted a dishearten young capitalist… -“Well, is the end of capitalism… looks like we will have to learn Russian and accept socialism from now on… screw this, I am moving to Canada Alaska.” By the looks of it many bright futures of the GOPers have been extinguished before they had a chance… thanks a lot Obama… I hope you are happy… Bearrorist Leader Releases New Al-Bearda Book (coming soon: a movie about the book!) terrorist next to his Bearrorist master]] Great Terror Returns after years of absence White House, USA. January 9, 2009 - Before there was an Osama Bin Laden or a Saddam Hussein there was a greater threat against America, but this Great Terror has been absent for decades. You probably are wondering who is this Great Threat against America? He was and still is a legendary terrorist; he is the first Bearrorist in recorded history. And he released many bearrorists books that influenced many generations of bears over the decades, including the infamous Colbear. He led to the foundation of Al-Bearda and is one of the most influential and most dangerous Bearrorist of all time! Winnie The Pooh, or The Grandest Poohbah Bear Ever by his bearrorist associates, is back!! The last time he was observed in the spotlight was back in 1928, when he released his last book “The Bearrorist House at The Grandest Poohbah Corner”. After publishing his last book there was a period of deafening silence; there were no more anti-american messages for many years from him. Many suspected that he died of massive organ failure, but rumors persisted that he was still alive and in hiding after a failed assassination attempt in 1929. There has been even rumors that he was Hitler’s right hand during World War II and that he defected to Joseph Stalin's side after the war, but there has never been concrete evidence and the CIA dismissed it as just an urban legend. But now, after almost 81 years of his absence the Greatest Threat against America is back! And he is releasing his new anti-american book “The Return to the Socialist Paradise of the Glorious Hundred Acre Wood and The Death of America” promised to be on sale by Oct. 5 on Amazon.com, and if you shout “Death to America” and pledge allegiance to Al-Bearda, you get a 15% discount! We also suspect that the “British Taliban” Christopher Walker Robin (he prefers to go by his bearrorist name, Sulayman al-Bearrist) will return as well as Poohbah's second in command. Karl Rove: The Greatest President Ever Leaves The Greatest Legacy Ever! Liberal media continues slander White House. January 9, 2009 - Karl Rove, the master and architect of The Greatest Presidency Ever, gave an interview trying to set the record straight. The liberal media has been slandering our Beloved President and that doesn’t sit well with “Turd Blossom”. When asked what he thought when the liberal bear-loving hippies accused The Greatest President Ever of botching the housing issue, he was wrathful reasonably discontent, “All lies! You should know better than question The Greatest Presidency Ever. No mistakes were made; this was all an unforeseeable event that just came out of nowhere. There was nothing we could have done to prevent this. If you ask me, it was the democrats’ faults…” replied Karl Rove. “I am writing a book that will explains everything…” Governor of Illinois Will Spend More Time with Family He will be vacationing for 4 to 10 years. Prisontown Chicago, Il. January 9, 2009 - Governor Blowjobbiatch has decided to spend more time with his family, after a stressful misunderstanding. “No one gets me. I though using the Free Market would solve this issue easily, rather than use the inefficient and ineffective way to chose a senator; I have this golden thing and they wanted me to give it away for nothing! It saves time and money!” declared the governor. No only is Mr. Blagosonofabiatch a free market guy, but also a maverick when he chose his black friend to be the Jr. Senator. The state of Illinois is loosing a great guy. But at least he is not alone; Rep. Milton Patterson is a gut person, and his gut is telling him that Blowmebiatch is innocent, "I went by my own gut feeling, it's as simple as that" (actual quote). Victory in The War on Learning Teachers and students welcome The Greatest President Ever as liberator January 8, 2009 - Victory is near! Factonistas, nerds, science geeks, and labcoat Larrys are running for the hill! We thank you sir for saving the future of our children against the brainwashing doctrine of the liberal bear-loving hippies and math geeks! We just hope that we will soon replace their science books with bibles and start teaching "creationism", The Real way that the planet was created. The Greatest President Ever will receive the highest acolytes of achievement, The Medal of Educashun. Shocking News: Spiderman two-timing!! Spiderman swings both ways, left and right! January 8, 2009 - It wasn’t good enough for mr. superhero to have our beloved Stephen in his comic book. Now spiderman has invited the elected mooslim president to play sidekick! Well, this isn’t the last time that the comic book world has hurt Stephen’s heart… US continues war against Cyber-terror wikipedophile releases another youtube video calling for more pr0n Patriotictown, USA. January 8, 2009 - America, we are at war, and the terrorists are winning. Just yesterday I received an eerie avalanche of spam and promises of more pr0n penis enlarger junk mail. But I am not the only one fearful of this wild cyber-space, our poor men and women in uniform are also at risk of being victims of cyber-terrorism, which is why we must secure our borders firewalls. We must censor regulate cyber space before is too late. The Air Force had been fighting these cyber-space wiki-nazis for years, protecting our freedom and the bothersome need to think. After all, we just need our guts and we are free to not think for ourselves but to trust our government to do it for us. But these un-american traitors are making it difficult to defend America. But good news, we are winning the war, and soon we shall be free from these bothersome and pesky un-american bloggers terrorists. Mr. Rich Man’s Philanthropic Donation Denied commie liberal prosecutors upset and crazy Richtown, USA. January 8, 2009 - Bernie Madoff Mr. Rich Man accumulated a large sum of stolen wealth over the years, and he realized that he would soon loose all of it he was at the end due to unforeseeable circumstance. So, before he departed from the beautiful and glamorous world of the Ultra Rich and Famous; he wanted to do something awesome for himself his family his community. Madoff Mr. Rich Man decided to transfer his stolen wealth distribute his assets among his family member trusted individuals and trustees, so they can distribute it to the community. This is trickle down economics folks! And it has been proven to work and to be very effective. But commie big government liberals are not happy with it, they don’t want Bernie Madoff Mr. Rich Man to give away his assets to his family trustees, instead the government wants to seize his wealth so they can give it back to the rightful owners to keep it to themselves or maybe feed the poor. Because of this philanthropic act, they decided to put Mr. Rich Man in jail just because he is rich. Shame on you government! Stop blocking the fraudulent scheme invisible hand of the free market and let Madoff Mr. Rich Man to continue his philanthropic work! The Greatest Former Prime Minister of Australia visits America The Greatest President Ever holds a sleep over White House. January 7, 2009 - A while ago a dear friend of America came to visit upon us, to shine his beautiful light in all of us… and that friend is John Howard! Former Prime Minister of Australia! But for Real Americans like us he will always be The Greatest Prime Minister of Australia. The Greatest President Ever was very excited so he reserved the Blair House a few days ago months in advance, before anyone could make reservations. Sorry losers! John Howard was not the only visitor to come to America, but for Real Americans he is The Most Important Visitor to keep the undesirables to receive the Medal of Freedom! For those who tried to get accommodations this past month, too bad for you! You should have known better! It was a very happy reunion among friends, and everyone agree that it was the bestest month ever. Except for this one mooslim dude who tried to get a room and board, your lost. Instead he opted to spend the night in the manger… Nothing Important Happened This Week moving on Washington, USA. January 7, 2008 - Can the Republican Party catch a break these days? Six of the candidates running to be the party’s next leader were supposed to sit down this morning for a debate — the second this week. The forum had been pressed by some state Republican leaders who, given the tough straits the party is in these days, wanted to hear the six candidates talk about their prescriptions for the party in a public debate. One small problem, which became clear as the secretary called the roll: No quorum. Not enough Republicans had turned out to allow for the official convening of a meeting. The party chairman, Mike Duncan, who is I SAID NOTHING HAPPENED!!! Moving on… America’s Oldest Profession in danger! women forced to get educashun… Sleazytown, USA. January 7, 2009 - Nation, our economy is suffering the fundamentals of our economy are still strong, but it could really use a new tune up. Many industries are shutting down taking a break, and without a doubt the most disturbing sign of things to come is when the pr0n industry is on the verge of bankruptcy; experts agree that crime, firearms, cigarettes, and alcohol sales/consumption is in it’s all time low. These vital industries are in jeopardy unless something is done to “stimulate” the economy back in “full swing”. “Is bad, bro. None of my hoes were able to get my money,” replied a hard working pimp. “Things are really bad, people are too stress out and worried about the future to think about sex… even the sex offenders are too depressed to get out of bed…” Hoes and pimps are not the only ones suffering, strippers and exotic dancers were forced to go back to school and get a degree to get better jobs; many naïve teenage girls have decided to stay in school rather than pursue an exotic, glamorous, and adventurous life in the escort service or the sex industry of adult and film entertainment; and teenage pregnancy has fallen flat this month alone! “I am loosing a valuable source of cheap labor!” replied a local fast-food owner, “Do you know how hard it is to find unwed teenage mothers or brainless dimwitted kids that will work for slave wages? I need my source of cheap labor… there aren’t enough illegals to hire. Young stupid brainless kids or unwed teenage girls are keeping the nation’s economy flowing!” Nation, please buy some pr0n, and start repopulating America before it is too late! All proceeds of the sale of pr0n magazines, videos, and other sleazy nature goes to supporting these naked women who need clothing... why do you think they are naked? Also the hoes, pimps, and strippers need to eat too... so be a patriot and get laid... but cash in hand first. Roland Burris, a great student of Truthiness a man of the gut Washington Racist Town in America. January 7, 2009 – Roland Burris wasn’t ask to lead the nation congress his constituents. He was told by God and his corrupt friend Maverick Friend, that he was the only one to do it. But Mr. Burris is fighting against discrimination and racism that still plagues the Democratic Party. So, you probably wonder why should we care? Mr. Burris is a democrat and black! liberal, what do we care? Because Mr. Roland Burris is following the teachings of our Great Stephen! Mr. Burris is following his gut, not his brain when it comes to his choice, and he knows in his gut that he is the only man to do the job. Mr. Roland Burris has brought great accomplishments to America, we also believe he will bring new changes to the Democratic Party, a change that will destroy them reform them. Keep the goof fight Mr. Burris… Blagojiabiatch’s Black Friend Denied Front Seat Democrats are secret racists! Democrats: "Segregation now, segregation forever!" Democratic Congress, most racist place in America. January 6, 2009 - While we the people of wikiality would not give two cents or a hoot about the happenings of the liberal bear-loving democrats. That doesn’t mean we will stop being spectators of this drama that is unfolding and tearing apart their party what we believe is a very racist and un-american action of discriminating against a poor black man. As soon as the democratic bloodbath is over the GOP should take back their rightful place come and clean up this racist mess. But let us go on with the drama. The democratic party just showed their true ‘color’, which is white. They have refused a colored man to take a seat; I assume it was the front of the bus or something. Shame on you democrats! You should learn to be colorblind like our beloved Stephen! There is no doubt that democrats are racists and deserve the worse, there is no proof or evidence that says otherwise. Just Because Mr. Balogviablowmeoffbiatch’s friend happens to be black, doesn’t mean he should be refused to have a seat. Mr. Burris, keep up the good fight and make those democrats pay, is not like this event will tear your party apart while the GOP waits patiently to retake their rightful place. Let us hope the NAACP does their job and fight off these racist democrats out of town… Did I mention that the GOP is non-racist and we are colorblind? After all we helped to elect a mooslim black president! Opening This Week: "Mr. Burries Goes to Washington" Blagojevich: I laugh, I cried, I lost my job Corruptiontown Chicago, Il. January 5, 2009. - Coming soon, to the theater nearest you… another liberal movie made by liberal Hollywood, but strangely enough liberals are already hating the movie. You will think they will like this sort of stuff… well at least Republicans have a much more refined taste when it comes to movies. European Union’s series of tubes SAFER than US against Terror threat!!! and who is protecting me from the pr0n? Why isn’t the mooslim terrorist president doing something?! London, England. January 5, 2009 - And you thought it couldn’t get any worse this year. This is why we should NOT be holding new elections; if the old president is still good, why change it? Not only are America’s series of tubes plagued with pr0n and spam, but we are far less safer against cyber terrorist attacks or terrorist who use wikipedophile. Meanwhile those tea-sucking-terrible-denture Brits are safeguarded by their new cyber-police . The cyber-police, or robot-cop E-cop, is one of the most important tools against the war on terror… yet how come we don’t have it? The Europeans has it!! The fricking Euros, those damn liberals hippie-bear-loving euro-trash are allowed to do a “search and seizure” of anyone’s computer files without warrants!!! HOW COME!!!??? Meanwhile un-american terrorist hippie bear-loving liberals continue to fill their computers with filthy filthy things like downloaded pr0n, liberal hippie music, and movies that are destroying America. IF we don’t do something soon to police America's cyber-space and spy our own citizens from cyber-land, things like this will be popping out everywhere! DO YOU WANT THAT!? Europeans! Our Greatest President Ever have been slashing and cutting our civil liberties since the start of the war! We know all about spying our own citizens. Hell! We even recorded their phone sex in case there is a horny terrorist out there… We have the Patriot Act!! We check people’s library cards for God’s sake!! And we are loosing to the Europeans!? That’s not fair!! What do we have to show for ourselves? Censored text messages!? That's not good enough! Sure it may protect us from the *beep* invading our cell phones that are trying to plant their *beep* thoughts. But that wont stop them from still sending their *beep*-mail. Even the Australians are doing a better job than us! Damn those kangaroo-lovers… Nation, we are not loosing our civil liberties fast enough! If we don’t allow our government to take all of our liberties to protect us from the terrorist, we will loose to the scum Euro-trash! And I hate to loose! So write up your congressman and tell them to hack your email and pc, put video cameras in our bedrooms and keep listening to our phone sex conversation!! That way we will be safer than those euro trash… Pentagon Calling Grandpa back to service Next on the list are the disable and the retarded. Gays not need to enlist Patriotictown, USA. January 5, 2009 - For years old people have been riding the coattails of America, these old folks do nothing but cash in their social security check and get their Medicare benefits. But thankfully The Greatest Military Force in the Planet has decided to use these discarded resources by recycling their old and retired soldiers. Who said the pentagon isn’t environmentally friendly? The Pentagon will soon deploy their “Old Geezer Squad” platoon by the end of the month… Freedom of Speech Targeted hippies still have lousy musical taste Freedomland, USA! January 3, 2009 - Bear-loving liberal hippies are threatening freedom of speech, and the target as always is our beloved Fox News! Not content of defaming and slandering the Greatest American News Media, these islamofacists have also claimed that Fox News have lousy musical taste!! The Greatest Song Ever just got the coveted #1 place in the charts, and Fox News was the only news media that gave it seal of support and approval. Driven by jealousy and envy, the liberal media is trying to infringe Fox New’s freedom of speech; and accusing all Real Americans of having lousy musical taste! Well, I am sorry, but we the people of wikiality disagree with your hippie-liberal opinion. Everyone one knows that Rock and Roll corrupts the youth, it weakens the mind and threatens the purity of their Christian soul. And hippie liberal music is nothing but liberal brainwashing propaganda to turn our children into pinko-commies and gay marriage each other! And bear-loving commie liberals call that good music! I am sorry but Fox News will NEVER apologize for having good musical taste... Foreigners, Speak American! Sign language teachers booted out of town xenophobiatown Nashville, USA! January 3, 2009 - We the people of wikiality salute the citizens of Nashville on their bravery in the war against foreigners! As you know these un-american parasites visitors are refusing to learn our language. Speak American!!! Instead we are just cuddling and encouraging these un-americans to retain their foreign tongues by allowing the printing material and the speaking of their "language" to be permitted in the sweet sweet land of the free and home of the brave. This is America and we are fee to speak American; so start learning!! But luckily this liberal agenda will be stopped. The citizens of Nashville are holding an election to determine if English American should be their official offical language and will become an amendment if it passes. Making the speaking, writing, and reading of their foreign letters and speech illegal!! Thank God!! “If the law passes we will start banning those foreign dictionaries, you know those with foreign language-American dictionaries, they are nothing but tools to encourage our kids to learn foreign things… we will also kick out those damn interpreters out of town... about time! I never thought they were American by learning someone else’s language...” – replied a man in white robes with a hood. But not everyone agrees, according with some liberal hippie egg-head, “This is insane! Teachers wont be able to teach these new comers how to speak English if we are banned to use any other language, even ESL classes will be forbidden in school!” Sorry but if these un-american foreigners wanted to learn how to speak American, they should have learned before they came here! Or better yet, they should have been born American… teaching foreigners how to speak English is just a waste of tax payer money. Meanwhile the brave men and women in uniform agree in the new policy changes, “This is ridiculous, our police officers and doctors need interpreters in our force. Otherwise we wont be able to diagnose patients or deter crime or even interrogate witnesses this way”… but there is no need to ask their opinion. Even business owners agree with the new changes, "This is going to be disastrous for our economy!" declares local business owner. Nashville, we hear your message; keep America's jobs American! Bravo, citizens of Nashville! You are setting a great example!! But I say the policy doesn’t go too far, we should also start banning the teaching and writing of Braille. Blind people, dots are not letters and that is not American! If you want to read a book, learn how to read American! Its not that blind people cant see, is just that their eyes are lazy! And don’t think that you deaf and mutes are out of the hook either! Sign language is not a real language if you cant speak it, that is just an excuse to be lazy! Sign language is a gateway to devil worship! Deaf and mutes, learn how to speak AND hear American, or you are just being unpatriotic! Just because your ears and tongues don’t work doesn’t mean you cant, it just mean you are being lazy welfare queens asking taxpayers to accommodate your lifestyle, which is a choice!… well, no more! Hottest Music of the Year Takes #1!! whites People agree, Bestest Music Ever! Crakertown. USA. January 2, 2009 - One of the Hottest Song Ever has hit the USA and its taking the nation by storm. Republicans, conservatives, whites, the Ultra Rich, and the GOP love it! They cant get enough of the Greatest Song Ever. Even Fox News supports it!! Many believe that the new song will become the Greatest Musical Album Ever and win a Platinum Album!! Congratulations guys!! You deserve it!! Terrorists Trick Airport Security Homeland Security hiring gynecologists America. USA! January 1, 2009 - In what could had been the worst terrorist aircraft hijacking in American history, has been thwarted thanks to the bravery of the men and women in uniform. The incident happened last night, when a couple boarded ‘Norwest Airline Fight 59’. What the passengers didn’t know was that the terrorist-couple were smuggling a mini-terrorist inside one of them. “We believe that they smuggled the terrorist within Mrs. Terrorist’s “snatch”. It was pretty clever; no one would have ever though about doing a search in there…” declared airport security. The Terrorist-couple were able to fool security and board their airplane, all would have gone according to their plan, if it wasn’t for a blunder. The Terrorist’s “snatch” couldn’t hold up much longer, so the mini-terrorist prematurely tried to escape from his hiding place and tried to assault the air marshal. But luckily the little bastard was overpowered and the Terrorists were arrested. Because of the incident, homeland security will now enforce a new policy, a widespread vaginal snatchginal search on every passenger from now on. “You can’t believe how many patriots have volunteered to sign up!! No doubt about it, we will make America safer after this!” declared airport security. Strangely enough only very few female volunteers signed up; this shows that America’s National Security is a man’s job… *Update: for some stranger reasons there is a large group of women protesting outside the airport. They demand that the terrorists be released immediately, and for the airport to ‘apologize’ to the Terrorist-couple. They also want Homeland Security to drop their "dumb" idea… no doubt, they must be un-american feminazis… Is a New Years Miracle!! Thieves are sorry Ultrarichtown, USA. January 1, 2009 - Is a christmas New Years miracle! Mr. Madoff Ultra Rich Man got his stolen property back! Acording with the police the thieves were sorry and ashamed when they heard the story of how by depraving Madoff this beautiful beautiful saint of his belonging has caused a lot of anguish. “We are sooo sorry,” cried the thieves. “I am so ashamed, I will never be able to show my face in public!!” Let this be a lesson to the thieves. What you did was immoral and shameful; you bring shame and embarrassment to your people and your family!!! Crime never pays, and you should always return what you have taken unlawfully. Can you imagine the lives that you wreak by committing such atrocious and shameful crimes? What would your mother say about this? Imagine what your community is whispering behind your backs… hell, I am sure your ancestors wished that you have never been born. But thank God the police was here; so no harm, no foul… ---- Breaking News Archive